I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
