my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
