You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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