I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize