I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
