..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
