i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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