Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
