Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
