Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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