I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
