we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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