Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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