we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
