whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We have so much sex to catch up on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
