at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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