Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
