Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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