she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We had to coat check the pizza.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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