I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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