We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Farmville is her only friend.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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