I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
