The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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