that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
