yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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