Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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