I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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