so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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