I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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