let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
