Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
