were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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