He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
