3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
