Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
