I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
