Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
