You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this will be a night to untag.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
