I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
