when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
