It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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