Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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