You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
