I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
