ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
