Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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