not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
