I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize