I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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