I have demons in me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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