Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
