She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
