two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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