Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
