that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
