mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
