you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
