It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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