she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize