When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
