This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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