was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
