Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize