just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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