Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
