We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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