I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
