Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize