hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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