why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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