break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
