I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
