Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
