That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
