girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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