I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
